THIS PRIVATE HOSPITAL SUCKS!

It feels so good to be back.
How I miss my messy desk and dusty pc..

Dari dok spital sejuta kali lagi baik aku dok berumahtangga kat opis ni! lagi best..

I can say that my experience staying in the hospital is not something that i wanted to go through again. And for a private hospital, the service is definately not to my expectation - with exception to staffs from Physiotheraphy Department. I'm not saying this because i still have to attend few more physio sessions, but they deserved it. At least their care and service met the expectation of a private hospital.

TOILET
The floor is wet and slippery because of the waterdrip from the leaky hose. Not to mention the smell..YUCKS!

BATHROOM
I dont know why the never bother to replace the shower. Takpun buang aje shower tu, biar patient sume mandi pakai gayung & baldi.

NURSES ON DUTY
Day Shift
Service & friendliness ok la - aku kasi 3 Bintang cewah!

Night Shift - Sungguhlah HAMPEH!!
It took them ages to attend the patient. Mlm tu aku mintak pil migraine punyela berjanggut tunggu, sampai aku fedap and pi kedai kat bawah kononnye nak beli Actifast. Unfortunately, I forgot that it's nearly 12am and the convinience shop downstairs is not 7Eleven.

Kebetulan, ternampak sign 'Inpatient Pharmacy', ingatkan bole la mintak ubat kat situ. JANGAN HARAP!

Pharmacist tu kata aku kena mintak kat nurse bangang kat atas, and nurse bangang ni yang akan request kat pharmacy. Cey!

Naik atas balik, tekan loceng.
Terkedek kedek nurse bangang datang.

Sayang, muke cute tapi lembab. Hehe..

Me: Pil migraine yang saya mintak tadi mana?
NB: (Dengan suara & muka tak bersalah) Oh, dah sakit sangat eh? tunggu sekejap ye, nanti saya bawak. (and terus blah)
WTF! kalau tak sakit buat ape aku mintak la..pandainye..anak sape nih?

You are not gonna believe this..
Bila dia datang balik 20min kendian, terkedek-kedek mcm tadi & just bawak 2 bijik panadol biasa! it's not even Actifast!
Double WTF!! Allo I nak migraine pill sista! Not panadol!
Bila aku tanye balik dia kata orang kat pharmacy tu yang kasi.
ALLO!! kalau kau mintak ubat pening mmg la dia kasi panadol, aku kan mintak ubat migraine!

There's a HUGE difference between pening & migraine la sista..u belajar ke tak ni?AIYO!@

Mesti tak lulus kursus jururawat tapi dapat kerja guna orang dalam!

Note: Thot I was the only victim. Rupanye one girl yang jaga mak dia kat situ pun senasib. Rupanye nurse2 bangang ni tak tukar blood bag mak dia yang dah sampai masa ditukar. Punyela tekan buzzer mcm nak mampus tapi takde sekor pun yang attend. Siap pi kaunter panggil, diaorang dok sibuk kata jap lagi nak datang tapi tak datang-datang. Kalau patient nak mati, dah mati agaknye! Sibuk berborak & ketawa macam pontianak tak ingat dunia kat luar tu boleh la pulak. Diaorang ni bagus jadi Badut Hospital.

ADMISSION & DISCHARGE COUNTER
Unfriendly & slow service. Banyak sangat birokrasi.
Kalau dtg as outpatient, tak payah amik time off, make sure u mintak mc or amik cuti.

MEAL / FOODS OUTLET
Aku rasa makanan kat GH pun tak seCHAPLANG makanan serve kat sini.

Ada 2 Marrybrown outlet, satu cafe kat ground floor & satu lagi fast food outlet kat LG floor.

Staff kat cafe ni very the unfriendly. Tunggu macam nak mampus tapi takde yang amik order. Tarik muka pulak tu, macam la customer ni bawak suwey kat cafe dia yang tak best tu.

Kat fast food outlet tingkat bawah aku tak tau. Baru masuk sebelah kaki dah rasa macam nak muntah

Bau ayam goreng + bau ubat-ubat + bau hospital = LOYA!!

THE SAVIOUR

THUMBS UP to Physiotherapy staffs for the excellent service.

In the end, I managed to pujuk the doctor to discharge me. I rather drive from Senai to JB to attend my physiotherapy sessions than to spend one more day in this hospital.

BUDAK INI MEMANG DEGIL!

Eversince I did MRI in August, I never turn up for follow up and i've skipped the physiotheraphy sessions.

Ignorance or stubborness?
Both I guess.

The pills and the medicated plasters given by the doctor is quite effective that I thot I'm totally cured.After a while I stopped taking the pills, dumped the plasters in my room drawer and stop heeding the doctor's advice. Haha! I'm back to being my lasak self!

I did feel my back ache sometimes, thinking that it was normal, i assume the pain will disappear naturally.
Nothing bother me even when my colleagues and my housemate told me that my back was swollen.

Tina keep telling me to go for massage. All I told her was 'Ah! Tak kuasa la I..' while asking the tealady to use the office phone to 'karate' my back. (My backache was too 'degil' that hand massage didnt work for me anymore.)
It worried me a bit when suddenly there's this weird kind of pain at my pelvic area.
For the millionth time Tina told me to go for massage and I ignore it as usual.

The pain became worst and I notice the swell. I could not sleep because it became unbearably painful whenever I move. The next morning, my body ache all over.I could not turn and bend my body.

When I went to the clinic the doctor refer me to the other hospital. To get 2nd opinion katanye.

Now I wonder if I didnt skip my physio before will I still have this problem?
If I heed Tina's advice to go for massage, maybe everything will not turn out like this?
Is it because of lifting and moving heavy things masa pindah ari tu?
Or sebab ari tu curi-curi main bowling sampai 5 game?

I have to try my best to stick to the physio session this time. Knowing myself, i have a very low patience and commitment level to thing like this.Tak suke kena attached dengan benda2 berjadual ni. (Sebab tu dulu selalu ponteng tuition).Sekarang I have to la, no choice.

Hmm...

KETEPI AR BODOH!!

Aku paling menyirap dengan orang yang bawak keta syok sendiri!

Bayangkan la bila korang nak cepat, time tu la jalanraya nak slow giler. Lepas berusaha mencilok sana sini macam mat rempit, tetiba korang tengok punca jalanraya jadik slow bukan sebab accident ke, traffic jam ke, tapi disebabkan satu keta yang drivernya ada sakit mental, anggap lane kanan tu tempat paling best nak menikmati keindahan tepi jalan. Speed limit 80km/j tapi bawak 50km/j!

Dahla bawak keta terhegeh-hegeh, dah 'sound lampu' pun bole buat bodo je, macam jalanraya tu dia sorang yang guna. Lepas tu muka macam tak bersalah la pulak jadik penyebab kereta-kereta lain berduyun-duyun mengekor belakang bontot keta dia. Selamba badak jek! Kalau dah tau nak bawak slow tu dokla kat lane kiri so tak menganggu kelancaran lalulintas especially kami-kami yang nak mengejar masa ni!

Ikutkan ati nak aje aku langgar je keta ni sampai terhumban kat tepi jalan so dia bole la dok selama-lamanya menikmati pemandangan kat situ. Tapi tak berbaloi rasanye nak jadi road bully, tak pasal-pasal aku pulak yang menikmati pemandangan kat penjara...ceh!

HOME SWEET HOME

New home.
New life.

huhuhu...

Akhirnya...
Aku berdikari sekari karinya..

Walaupun penat, tapi berbaloi bila nampak hasil. Dibandingkan keadaan 'mengharukan' dulu dengan sekarang, tak sia-sia rasanya berhempas pulas bersengkang tulang bersakit demam menyiapkan rumah.

Never thought it was so fun, choosing what colours for the bedrooms, hall etc and then picked the furniture and electrical items that will match the paint colours. I spent 1 week to clean and paint the whole house. Dont ask me why i took that long, the house looked like drug addicts' den before i moved in. Another 11/2 week to choose the furniture, electrical items, curtains, carpets, and other decorative items.

In less than 1 month, decoration's done and the house is completely furnished.

No more rushing. No more traffic jam.

Now I have a place of my own.

Sweet Home of Mine :)

HELLO AGAIN!

Lama dah tak blog..busy giler menguruskan hidup.

Orang-orang keliling pun senyap jek. Carn aje yang aktif nampaknye.

Banyak dah yang berubah. & sama ada aku suka atau tak, yang pastinya banyak lagi yang akan berubah nanti.

That's life.

Nothing stay the same.

Hmmm...

I HAVE TO

i have to...


StArT upDatiNg My reSuMe

LeArN hOw to wAke up Early

be mOre paTieNt @ woRk

wOrk Out

StOp BeiNg LaTe fOr WorK

Eat LeSs ChOcY BaRs

TaKe LeSs CaFfeINe

Be LeSs FoRGetFuL

StOp ThInKiNg AboUt MuNcHkIN

StOp MySeLf FrOm SmiLiNg fOr No ReAsoN

StOp BeiNg ToO HaPpY

Be WhAt I wAnNa Be

Do WhAt I HaVe 2 Do

Be a BeTtEr PeRsoN


Be CrAzY cos I aM CraZy!!!

TERCIPTA UNTUKKU - UNGU

Menatap indahnya senyuman diwajahmu
Membuat ku terdiam dan terpaku
Mengerti akan hadirnya cinta terindah
Saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku

Banyak kata
Yang tak mampu kuungkapkan
Kepada dirimu

Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku
Sepanjang hidupku

Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku

Meski waktu akan mampu
Memanggil seluruh ragaku
Ku ingin kau tau
Kuslalu milikmu
Yang mencintaimu
Sepanjang hidupku

Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku

Meski waktu akan mampu
Memanggil seluruh ragaku
Ku ingin kau tau
Kuslalu milikmu
Yang mencintaimu

UNBELIEVABLE

Always said I would know where to find love,
Always thought I'd be ready and strong enough,
But some times I just felt I could give up.
But you came and you changed my whole world now,
I'm somewhere I've never been before.
Now I see, what love means.

It's so unbelievable,
And I don't want to let it go,
Something so beautiful,
Flowing down like a waterfall.
I feel like you've always been,
Forever a part of me.
And it's so unbelievable to finally be in love,
Somewhere I never thought I'd be.

In my heart, in my head, it's so clear now,
Hold my hand you've got nothing to fear now,
I was lost and you've rescued me some how.
I'm alive, I'm in love you complete me,
And I've never been here before.
Now I see, what love means.

-craig david-

"I wanna be the wind that fills your sails And be the hand that lifts your veil Be the moon that moves your tideThe sun coming up in your eyes Be the wheel that never rusts And be the spark that lights you up All that you've been dreaming of and more So much more, I wanna be your everything..."

AKU MENDOAKANMU HARI INI

Aku mendoakanmu hari ini
dan aku tahu Allah pasti mendengar
aku merasakan jawapannya dalam hatiku
meskipun Allah tidak berkata walau sepatah...

Aku tidak meminta kemewahan
apatah lagi kemasyhuran untukmu
kerana aku tahu kau tidak memerlukannya
Aku meminta anugerah yang lebih berharga
yang akan abadi selamanya....

Aku berdoa agar Allah selalu bersamamu
pada permulaan hari-hari
untuk mengurniakanmu kesihatan dan keberkatan
kejayaan dan keagungan iman
dan kawan untuk menemanimu
berkongsi suka duka sepanjang jalan....

Aku meminta Allah merahmatimu
dengan kegembiraan dan kebahagiaan
dalam setiap perkara kecil dan besar
dan permintaanku yang paling utama
aku bermohon Allah menyayangi dan mencintaimu
selama-lamanya...

Aku mendoakanmu hari ini
dalam sujud sembahku yang panjang
bersimpuh pada keakuan diri
inilah sebagai tanda kasihku kepadamu
dan aku bermohon agar Allah merahmati pertemuan ini
dan mengikat kemas dengan kasih sayang
di hatiku dan di hatimu
selamanya........

HARUSKAH AKU MATI - ADA BAND

Bagaimana mestinya
Membuatmu jatuh hati kepadaku
Tlah kutulis kan sejuta puisi
Meyakinkanmu membalas cintaku


Haruskah ku mati karena mu
Terkubur dalam kesedihan sepanjang waktu
Haruskah kurelakan hidupku
Hanya demi cinta yg mungkin bisa membunuh ku
Hentikan denyut nadi jantung ku
Tanpa kautau betapa suci hatiku
Untuk memiliki mu

Adakah keikhasan
Dalam palung jiwamu mengetukku
Ajarkan mu bahasa perasaan
Hingga hatimu tak lagi membeku

Haruskah ku mati karena mu
Terkubur dalam kesedihan sepanjang waktu
Haruskah kurelakan hidupku
Hanya demi cinta yg mungkin bisa membunuh ku
Hentikan denyut nadi jantung ku
Tanpa kau tau betapa suci hatiku
Untuk memiliki mu

Tiadakah ruang di hatimu untukku
Yang mungkin bisa tuk kusinggahi
Hanya sekedar penyejuk disaat ku layu
Ku tlah menantimu hingga akhir masa

p/s: lagu yang best!

SEPERTI DULU - UNGU

Tiada guna kau kembali
Mengisi ruang hati ini
Semuanya telah berlalu
Bersama lukaku

Tiada guna kau berjanji
Untuk setia menemani
Hatiku yang tlah terluka
Karna dustamu

Semuanya telah berakhir
Antara hatiku dan hatimu
Takkan ada cinta
Seperti yang dulu

Semuanya telah berakhir
Antara diriku dan dirimu
Takkan ada rindu
Seperti yang dulu

Semuanya telah berakhir
Semuanya telah berakhir

WHEN RAINY DAY COMES.....

Kadang-kadang kita tak tau benda yang kita rasa tak penting hari ni mungkin berguna satu hari nanti..

Ari ni nak cerita pasal kepentingan insurans.

Dulu bila agen-agen insurans datang nak approach aku, dengan kereknya aku slalu bagitau diaorang yang i don't need any sebab company dah provide medical and life insurans. So if anything happened to me, my family tak perlu susah payah pikirkan duit nak bayar for my treatment. Kalau aku mati sekalipun, parents aku akan kaya sebab dapat papasan 250K. Lagipun selagi aku kerja ni, takde sebab aku nak jadi bodoh buat salary deduction tetiap bulan bayar duit insurans sedangkan company punye insurans dah cover semua. Anyway, tahun lepas aku join gak satu personal insurans. Bukan sebab aku ubah pikiran tapi sebab insurans tu act as a saving apart offering the usual medical and life coverage.

Tapi,

Kes ari ni dah tukar persepsi aku.

Ada gak faedahnye standby 1 atau 2 insurans lain selain yang company bagi.

Bila time sihat mungkin automatik otak akan rasa tak perlu, mustahil kita perlukan semua tu sedangkan apa yang syarikat bagi setiap tahun pun tak terabis. Tapi,kita tak tau apa yang akan jadi and kita tak tau malang yang akan menimpa. Kes ari ni menyedarkan aku yang sometimes we might need more than what the company offered especially if we required a special treatment by the specialists.

Walaupun staffs in my company have the option to go either to Specialist or GH, but there's a limit to the coverage. What if you are in critical condition and unconsciuos; and the doctors can only decide what to do when you gain your conciousness. For the time being they can only monitor your developemnt in ICU.Dok semalam kat ICU dengan ubat+equipment kat specialist hospital je dah 3K++, What happened if the costs are more than the coverage? Sapa nak tanggung? Kita & keluarga kita gak...

Nak jimat? pi GH? Same thing, real story, kalau GH takde equipment /ubat yang kita perlukan masa tu we have to be transfered to Specialist Hospital. Nak buat camne, terpaksa la guna savings atau epf. Kalau kes socso boleh la socso tanggung, tu pun nak kena go through proses panjang. Nak tak nak terpaksalah dulukan duit sendiri. Tapi kalau ada insurans; mungkin boleh membantu kita dalam kes-kes macam ni.

Aku ingat lagi macam mana aku, pn. shila, and tina puas pikirkan mcm mana nak tolong staff ni handle medical expenses dia yang dah terlebih-lebih exceed. Mungkin nak kena transfer ke GH so his family tak la terbeban nak bayar banyak sangat.Company mmg takkan cover amount terlebih tu. Walaupun Company agree nak bayarkan dulu, tapi in the end staff ni still kena bayar semula apa yang Company dah bayarkan. Tak sampai hati rasanye nak inform and tambahkan risau family yang dh mmg risau tu.

Kes ni masih tak setel lagi, dia masih kat ICU dlm keadaan tak sedar, doktor pun masih tak sure nak buat aper. Kena tunggu dia sedar. So maksudnya, bayaran RM3K++ sehari masih berjalan sehingalah hari dia sedar and doktor buat keputusan apa treatment yang terbaik untuk dia.

Bila dah macam ni aku bersyukur la gak, aku ada standby satu lagi. Preparation for rainy days, Apapun aku harapkan semoga keadaan staff ni beransur stabil. Biarlah soal bayaran jadi soal kedua yang penting nyawa mesti diselamatkan dulu.

A WAKE UP CALL FOR EVERYONE

Sedih tengok keadaan sekarang.

Ari tu tengok Edisi Siasat kat NTV7. Diaorang interview teenagers pasal bila negara merdeka, apa tu rukun negara etc. Tapi aku terkujat and sedih bercampur marah tengok budak-budak ni tak tau bila tarikh negara sendiri merdeka and apa tu rukun negara!

Apa la nak jadi dengan diaorang ni, dahle diaorang yang bakal jadi pemimpin negara akan datang. Sedih sungguh! Diaorang ni pi sekolah ke tak? Takkan tak diajar sejarah or rukun negara?

Bayangkan generasi ni 10 atau 20 tahun akan datang, ape agaknye nasib negara kita?

OKla, tak payah cerita pasal budak2, apa erti merdeka bagi kita sendiri?

Public holiday?
Tengok bunga api?
Melepak beramai-ramai kat konsert malam merdeka?
Menjerit merdeka beramai2 tepat pukul 12 malam?
Berkempen kibar bendera kat kenderaan?
Berarak dengan moto/basikal/kereta dengan bendera Malaysia?

Pejuang-pejuang kemerdekaan atau orang-orang yang terlibat mempertahankan negara semestinya sedih, seolah-olah pengorbanan diaorang ni tak dihayati generasi baru. Hati aku tersentuh bila satu iklan interview dengan sorang bekas askar yang buta akibat cedera demi mempertahankan negara. Besarnye pengorbanan diaorang sebelum negara kita sampai ke tahap sekarang ni.

Dari situ susahnya negara kita bertapak selangkah demi selangkah sebelum masyarakat dunia mula menghormati kita. Dan bila negara kita dah membangun, terkenal di mata dunia muncullah pulak manusia-manusia tamak yang 'mencuri' hak rakyat untuk kekayaan sendiri & kaum kerabat. Tak cukup dengan tu, orang-orang yang diharapkan menjadi pagar jaga negara & jaga rakyat lebih senang jaga periuk nasi sendiri dari menjalankan tanggungjawab sebenar sebagai pemimpin. Tak berani menentang arus sebab takut lemas.

Sedih lagi.

Kenapa mesti ada orang macam ni jadi pemimpin. Apa masa depan negara, apa masa depan bangsa kita sebenarnya? Sia-sia je pengorbanan pemimpin lepas dan mereka yang bertungkus lumus memerdekakan negara dulu sedangkan kita sebenarnya masih ditindas dengan ditipu oleh pemimpin sendiri.

Diaorang ni tak sedar lagi ke yang bangsa & negara boleh tergadai kerana ketamakan diaorang.

Hakikatnya, jurang perbezaan antara si miskin & kaya makin ketara.

Aku tau ramai yang tak ambik kisah. Ramai yang kata 'Ah aku tak minat politik-politik semua ni'. Tapi ramai yang tak sedar, betapa pentingnya untuk ambil tau pasal politik. Politik bukan urusan pak-pak menteri atau ahli parlimen semata, tapi urusan KITA.

Aku bukan anti-kerajaan, aku bukan nak ajak orang memberontak, tapi aku nak ajak korang semua untuk sama-sama ikuti perkembangan semasa dalam negara kita sekarang. Kajilah, mana tindakan yang baik kita sokong, tapi yang mana mungkin akan menggadai hak bangsa, agama & negara, yang mana mungkin akan membeban/menindas golongan rakyat bawahan kita ada hak untuk bersuara (maksud aku dengan saluran yg betul). Aku sendiri taknak dek kerana pemimpin-pemimpin rakus ni, anak cucu kita nanti yang akan tanggung akibatnya.

Sayangkanlah masa depan bangsa, agama & negara kita. Ini ajelah tanahair yang kita ada. Kehidupan & kekayaan yang kita sibuk kejarkan hari-hari tu dah tak berguna bila tanahair kita tergadai kerana kealpaan kita.

p/s: Lagi sedih bila dengar lagu ni..

WARISAN
Disini lahirnya sebuah cinta
Yang murni abadi sejati
Disini tersemai cita cita
Bercambah menjadi warisan

Andai ku terbuang tak diterima
Andai aku disingkirkan
Kemana harusku bawakan
Kemana harusku semaikan cinta ini

Betapa
Dibumi ini ku melangkah
Keutara selatan timur dan barat
Ku jejaki

Aku
Bukanlah seorang perwira
Gagah menjunjung senjata
Namun hati rela berjuang
Walau dengan cara sendiri
Demi cinta ini

Ku ingin kotakan seribu janji
Sepanjang kedewasaan ini
Ku ingin sampaikan pesanan
Akulah penyambung warisan

THE ABANDONED HEART

It really scares me to see how our life can dramatically change. Today we might be happy, healthy and leading a good life, but tomorrow might be different. We can be fit and healthy but we might not be able to walk tomorrow because of our health condition. We might be able to live in comfort but tomorrow we might live like a pauper. In short, whatever we have at this moment might be taken away from our grasp in future. We will never know what will happen and what is in store for us.

I am fully aware that throughout this live, there will always be adversity but the saddest part is when it happened at the final chapter of your life. To be abandoned by your own flesh and blood because your health condition is a burden to them. To live your remaining days in solitude when you used to be surrounded by your loved ones, not be able to do whatever you enjoy doing previously because your health inhibits you from doing so. Thats life, one moment you have everything and then it disappears.

I wonder how come so people can be so heartless, shirking their responsibility to take care of their old parents. My heart ache to see a sixty five year old woman (she got Parkinson and paralyzed) being tossed from one of her kids house to the other and they finally dumped her at their auntie's house (the old lady sister) who is also not fit enough to take care of her own self. Imagining this to happen to my parents or even myself is enough to make me feel like crying. The truth is, I feel like strangling their selfish children. However, as the Malay proverb goes 'berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu yang memikul'. No amount of sympathies will lessen their burden. I can feel their frustration eventhough they did not show it.

I pray that the tough times and sufferings wont last, for Allah to protect and give them enough strength to go through their days. May their heartless children realize and remember all the hardship that their mother had to go through to raise them.

SELIMUT HATI - DEWA

Aku kan menjadi malam - malam mu
Kan menjadi mimpi - mimpi mu
Dan selimuti hatimu yang beku

Aku kan menjadi bintang - bintang mu
Kan slalu menyinarimu
Dan menghapus rasa rindumu yang pilu

Aku bisa untuk menjadi apa yang kau minta
Untuk menjadi apa yang kau impikan
Tapi ku tak bisa menjadi dirinya

Aku kan menjadi embun pagimu
Yang kan menyejukkan jiwamu
Dan kan membasuh hatimu yang layu

Tinggalkan sejenak lalumu
Perlu sdikit waktu kepadaku tuk meyakinkanmu

p/s: Thank you. I'm touched...

A RETURN TO THE ALMA MATER

Ada dua part yang paling best sepanjang aku kat Penang.

a) Dapat jumpa Jen (dah cite dalam entry sebelum ni)

b) Balik ke USM.

Lepas 5 tahun tinggalkan USM, aku balik semula menjenguk tempat lama menimba ilmu dulu. Bila nampak main gate dengan logo besar USM, hati melompat-lompat macam ulat bulu. Excited tak terkira. Nasib baik mama & ayah cukup sabar dengan perangai aku yang tetiba macam budak kecik masuk Toys 'R' Us. Kalau boleh semua ceruk USM tu aku nak pegi & ambil gambar. Semuanya macam mengingatkan aku pada masa tu. Banyak betul perubahan dengan bangunan-bangunan baru. Yang paling tergezut siap ada desasiswa (kolej) baru tersergam khas untuk student first year. Ingatkan private kondo, jauh berbeza dengan dulu. Masa tu first year students dok sekali dengan seniors and setiap desasiswa cuma setakat 3 atau 4 blok bangunan 4 tingkat.

Sempat jengok lokasi baru Kedai Mahasiswa @ KM and singgah kejap. Lalu kat Dewan Budaya tapi tak sempat makan kat Gerai Nasi Ayam yang famous tu. Entah ade lagi ke tidak agaknye. Lalu gak depan Tasik Aman yang penuh dengan ikan lapar & tungtung, berhenti kat VC Rock yang mengadap view laut & jambatan Pulau Pinang (kawasan yang paling romantik nak dating..hehe..)

Twin Tower kat Penang? Gambar ambik from Padang USM

A view of Jambatan Pulau Pinang taken from VC Rock

Another view of Twin Tower clone from VC Rock.

Masuk jap ke library 1 & 2, siap buat lawak dengan ayah & mama yang kononnye diaorang ni la student paling tua penah jejak kaki dalam library nih. (hehe sorry mum & dad!), sambil jalan nak ke library tu tangan ni gatal lak tarik pintu Dewan Tunku Syed Putra (DTSP) - dewan belajar TITAS & tempat bersalam dengan DYMM YDP Agong merangkap cancellor USM masa konvo dulu - & jengah ke dalam. Baru terperasan rupanye diaorang tengah sibuk dengan preparation Konvo tahun ni.

Bila dikenang dah jah aku tinggalkan alam student ni. Dah tua rupenye..hehehe..Nampak students2 ni sume macam nampak budak kecik jek. Kat sini la aku belajar memahami pelbagai tingkah laku & kerenah manusia. Daripada program-program U & kolej yang aku join, aku perhatikan macam mana kuasa & kedudukan boleh mempengaruhi manusia. Buat aku sedar yang politik and perebutan kuasa bukan hanya wujud di kalangan ahli perniagaan atau ahli politik, tapi di kalangan student. Permainan politik di kalangan student pun tak kurang hebatnya. Boleh bergaduh, tikam menikam sesama sendiri, bermuka-muka sana sini semata-mata nakkan sokongan terutamanya dari orang kuat kolej walaupun sekadar untuk jawatan kecik seperti AJK program kolej. Yang penting, dari sini aku tahu, kempen yang baik + kroni berpengaruh boleh buat seorang yang tak reti buat kerja tapi pandai bercakap terpilih atas dasar populariti seterusnya menumbangkan seorang yang betul berkebolehan & berkelayakan tapi tanpa kempen & kroni.

Desasiswa tempat tinggal aku dulu, Indah Kembara.Bayangkan, kalau student pun pandai main belit politik sebab nak berebut jawatan ciput kat kolej yang tak boleh buat dia dapat projek berjuta-juta, betapa hebat lagi permainan politik dalam 'real world'. (Yang aku maksudkan ni politik tak bersih). No wonder ramai yang sanggup jadi pembunuh semata-mata sebab kedudukan. Tak heran, sebab alam student pun dah wujud politik kampus..so bila students-students macam ni grad, itulah yang diaorang bawak keluar ke alam sebenar. Alamak, rasanya topik mcm dah tersasar nih...

Anyway berbalik pada cite asal, satu masa dulu, sini la tempatnya aku bersengkang mata buat assignment, tak tido buat revision, berhuha huha kat Kembara Square sampai pagi, sibuk dengan akiviti kolej & persatuan macam orang gile. Segala perih jerih berjauhan dengan family, susah payah hidup as student, terpaksa utamakan duit poket atau biasiswa untuk nota & assignment dari kepentingan perut semuanya macam terbayang-bayang bila jejakkan kaki kat sini lagi. Hari yang memang panas giler tu pulak mengingatkan macamana aku terpaksa berpanas terik menapak ke dewan kuliah dari desasiswa yang jauhnya lebih kurang 5km. Aku ingat lagi, demi nak tambah duit poket aku jual/sewa vcd kat budak2 kolej (masa tu jual pirate vcd tak kena tangkap), pastu sekali dengan geng mafia, we all bukak gerai jualan di setiap festival yang universiti organize. Dengan duit tu dapat le beli mountain bike so tak payah le menapak ke kelas. (Nak beli motor, Mama dah haramkan moto dalam senarai harta anak2 dia; nak beli keta masa tu memangla tak mampu). By 2nd year, pihak USM provide bus service from Desa to DK (Dewan Kuliah, bukan Datuk K). Tapi biasalah, bas datang pepagi buta, aku pulak SUKA abis bangun pagi. So serupa tak payah ada bas, most of the time that beskal tu la transport utama aku.

Sempat gak pi opis Alumni. Kengkononnya nak jejak geng2 lama especially geng2 MAFIA KEMBARA dulu. Tapi takde luck la pulak. Rindu teramat kat Enon, Bas, Hasma, Mimie & Ain. Terlalu banyak kenangan-kenangan giler yang best aku share dengan diaorang ni. I wonder how they are doing now. Hope diaorang semua dah berjaya dengan career or life masing-masing. Apapun, trip ala-ala 'back to memory lane' ni memang membuatkan aku berpuas hati yang tak terhingga. Sekurang-kurangnya hilang rindu kat Jen, hilang rindu kat kawan-kawan masa kat USM dulu.

THE MISSING LINK

Lepas lebih kurang 6 bulan akhirnya aku dapat jumpa dengan ahli Fab 5 yang sorang ni. Jen masih macam dulu, masih Ms. Loudspeaker. masih Ms. Universe, masih Ms. Evil Queen. Really appreciate her effort to spend time with me. Sanggup jumpa aku walaupun kuar opis dah nak pukul 10mlm. (Masih pekerja terajin macam dulu gak. hehe..). Bila dah jumpa tu ape lagi, macam-macam topik disembangkan, masing2 berebut nak bercerita. In the end, satu restoran Nasi Kandar tu bergegar dengan ketawa setan aku & Jen. Sedar tak sedar dah pukul 2 pagi we all melepak. Aku tak tau la Mamak restoran tu pelik ke tak tengok sorang budak cina rambut coklat dgn budak melayu berambut XXX dok bermuahaha tak peduli orang keliling.

Second nite kat Penang, sambung operasi sembang semalam dengan jen. Kali ni Jen datang Apartment aku lak. Siap berangan nak buat trip backpacking dengan the rest of Fab 5. Tapi problem kat chairman la, sure dia keras (as always) sebab confirm kitaorang akan buat or tanye soalan2 yang buat dia panik macam selalu. Tapi kali ni mungkin dia tak kena teruk sangat sebab dah ada 'support' kuat. Borak punye borak tak perasan dah dekat pukul 3 pagi. At last Jen terpaksa overnite kat Vistana (Teringat time masa Jen kat JB dulu overnight kat umah aku or umah aini). Kesian jen terpaksa bereksperimen tido tak bukak contact lense yang memang jadik hobby aku selama ni. Lagi kesian kat dia, pukul 6 pagi dah nak kena bangun semula and rush balik rumah nak pi keje.

Thanks Jen, for your time. Rindu sangat nak kumpulkan semua Fab 5 semula. Hopefully one day all of us will have a fantasatanic time together again!

Jen & her new Myvi. Hey, I'm the first Fab 5 inside!

Kita minum dulu!!

Jen, tengah syok bercerita....
Mak aku panggil gambar ni 'The Fisherman's Friend' ...hahaha

Peace! (bukan jari aku, ni Jen punye!)

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

Akhirnya dapat gak aku menunaikan satu daripada hajat-hajat aku tahun ni - bawak family gi trip. Niat asal nak ke Kuching ditukar ke Penang-Langkawi atas permintaan mama and ayah.

Trip ni memang bermakna sesangat bagi aku sebab kali pertama aku bawak the whole family bercuti dengan segala-galanya dirancang & diuruskan dari A sampai Z oleh aku sendiri.

Rasa seronok sebab dapat menggembirakan hati family memang tak boleh nak describe. No matter how much you have to spend, seeing the excitement and happy looks on their faces is really priceless. Kalau orang tanye aku, macamana dengan holiday, jawapan ikhlas aku, aku happy sebab diaorang happy.

Alhamdullilah, semua berjalan lancar. Selamat pergi & selamat balik. Otak pun lega sikit lepas bercuti seminggu. Mudah-mudahan dimurahkan rezeki untuk aku & parents sampai ke 'destinasi impian' itu pulak lepas ni. Amin!

YEEHAA!!

I need this break badly. I need to cool off my steaming head. I've been looking forward for this and finally the moment i've been waiting for has arrived.

This is the time to relax.
This is my time to ponder.
This is my time to be with my loved ones.
This is my time appreciate everything around me.
This is my time to capture the moments.
This is my time to recharge my energy.
This is my time to recover my sanity.
This is my time to be away, away from the hectic working life.

Yeehaa!

THE APPLE OF MY EYE

After four days in Malacca, I wish I can continue my leave but I know I have to go back or else Pn. Shila and the rest of my team gonna 'parang' me. So I reluctantly waved Hariz goodbye. He looked so adorable with his sweet sengih and flying kiss, and I swear nothing sounded cuter than the way he said 'ta ta'.

When I arrived Malacca last Saturday, I never thought it's going to be this hard to leave. It's not my first time visiting them and it's not as if i never spend few days at their house before. But it was never this hard to part with Hariz.

My only activity on my way back to JB, was to scroll his pics on my digicam that I have taken during the 4 days stay. And my first night in jb was filled with dreams of him. This morning when I woke up, my mind keep playing the tune from his toy phone. He used to play and danced to it again and again.

I found myself smiling when I looked at all his photos captured in my digicam and when I recalled all his antics. One video shoot of him running in the park really made me laughed.

Even until this moment, I can still picture his laughter, his sweet smile, the way he run & walk, the cute way he pronounce cat as 'tat', car as 'tar', how happy he was during his bath time, how excited he was running here and there when I brought him to the park, how he tried to imitate my dad performing solat and how he made me laugh watching him dance at his favorite ad tune. Hariz..Hariz...he's simply adorable..and I miss him so much!

SEKIRANYA...

Sekiranya kamu dapati dirimu menyintai seseorang yang tidak membalas cintamu, janganlah merasa tersisih. Tiada salahnya menyintai seseorang kerana cinta tidak memilih untuk singgah di hati seseorang.

Sekiranya kamu dicintai oleh seseorang yang tidak kamu cintai, anggaplah ia satu penghormatan buat dirimu tetapi kembalikan penghormatan itu dengan cara yang ikhlas dan jujur. Jangan ambil kesempatan dan janganlah melukakan.

Bagaimana kamu mengurus cinta begitulah kamu mengurus dirimu dan setiap hati dan perasaan mengalami kepedihan dan kebahagiaan yang serupa sekalipun cara kita mengendalikannya berbeza.

Sekiranya kita bercinta dgn seseorang yang begitu menyintai diri kita dan tiba-tiba cinta memilih untuk pergi, tiada siapa yang harus dipersalahkan, relakanlah cinta itu pergi. Kerana setiap yang berlaku ada maksud yang tersembunyi.. Dan kita akan menyedari apabila masa silih berganti.

Ingatlah bahawa jangan terlalu memilih cinta. Kerana cinta itu sendiri akan memilih untuk singgah di hati sesiapa Apabila ia datang mengetuk pintu hati muTerimalah kehadiran cinta itu dgn segala misteri di dalamnyaNikmatinya sebagaimana ia membuat hidupmu bahagia dan bebaskan ia

Cinta sentiasa dan selamanya akan menjadi misteri Bersyukurlah kerana ianya pernah singgah di hati kamu... Semoga semua dapat bertemu dgn cinta yg sejati dan jujur....

Specially dedicated for my best friend...

KARENKU YANG TERBUANG...

Ni la salah satu sebab pasai ape aku paling nyampah giler nak attend meeting-meeting sumer ni..nyampah yang teramat sampai mencapai ke tahap tenuk albino. Yang selalu buat aku rasa nak menyorok bawah meja tiap kali kena panggil masuk meeting.

Memang la ada meeting yang productive dengan orang-orang yang attend tu memang ikhlas nak accomplish meeting objectives. Whatever discussed in the meeting will be a guideline for them to carry out their tasks. Kalau jenis meeting yang macam gini aku pun semangat nak masuk, memang nampak la function meeting tu sebagai medium to ensure everybody's effort is paralell with whatever objectives they want to accomplish.

Tapi, kalau dah meeting berjam2, tetiap minggu dok discuss benda yang sama. Decision dah pun dibuat tapi tindakan lepas meeting tetap sama macam sebelum meeting..Baik tak payah meeting. Teringat one of the email yang aku penah dapat dulu. Kalau tak salah, email tu ada mention orang yang suke meeting ni orang yang takde keje...memang betul la tu!!

Bengang betul la aku pagi tadi. Sape tah ajar diaorang ni buat gini. Bukan ke dalam meeting ari tu dah decide? Ini tak, ikut gak procedure lama. Yang aku menyirap giler, kerana diaorang-diaorang sumer ni la masa and karen orang lain terbuang. Entah ape yang dibuat dalam meeting aku pun tak tau. Nak kata diaorang ni tido, masa meeting bukan main gedegang gedegung tunjuk terer. Poyo je sume pakat angguk ala ala paham tapi lepas tu lupa. Kalau tak ingat, refer la kat meeting minutes. Kalau orang-orang bawahan act macam ni bolehla aku paham, tapi kalau dah level manager ke atas..susah lerr!! Dah tu siap ada guts lagi nak complen kata department aku tak take action, dah sah korang yang tak ikut procedure baru, memang le patut staff department aku tak layan.

Aku pun tak tau la apa objective diaorang ni attend meeting and buat meeting. Kalau setakat nak mengisi masa lapang, nak tunjuk kuasa, baik tak yah ler buat meeting. Kesian la kat orang yang ada banyak keje lain nak buat. Or, kalau nak sangat buat meeting so korang nampak macam busy giler, ajak le kawan-kawan korang yang lebih kurang sama takde keje macam korang. tolonglah jangan bebankan orang lain yang betul-betul sibuk dengan korang punye nonsense!

STARING AT THE SUN - ROOSTER

Daylight on my shoulder
Makes me feel alive
You kept me standing in your shadow
And it's a cold cold place to hide

I'm running away from this messed up place
I'm breaking free

I'm tired of staring at the sun
Can't stand the way you burn my eyes so I can't see
Stealing every breath I breathe
You push me into overdrive
And I don't need this kind of light
coz now I'm done
You took everything while I was staring at the sun

I know you won't let me
But just turn and walk away
I'm tired of when you kick me around
Trying to kill my dreams and break me down
But I won't hang around
I'm running away from this messed up place
I'm breaking free

I'm tired of staring at the sun
Can't stand the way you burn my eyes
so I can't see

Stealing every breath I breathe
You push me into overdrive
And I don't need this kind of light

coz now I'm done
You took everything while I was staring at the sun
I was staring at the sun

Daylight on my shoulder
I know its time to run
Yes I know its time to run

I'm tired of staring at the sun
Can't stand the way you burn my eyes
so I can't see
Stealing every breath I breathe
You push me into overdrive
And I don't need this kind of light

coz now I'm done
You took everything while I was staring at the sun
staring at the sun
You took everything while I was staring at the sun

Lagu kumpulan 'Rooster' ni one of favorite aku, best gak kalau layan. Lagu baru (produced thn 2004 ke 2005..tak ingat) tapi lebih kurang macam lagu rock ballad zaman-zaman sekolah dulu. Best layan sebab macam kena dengan apa yang ade dalam kapla otak aku sekarang ni.

THE CLASS

Officially I was 30 minutes late for my first class. Thanks to Switzerland vs Korea match early that morning I wish I could continue sleeping till noon. (hehe..buruk perangai..it's all FIFA's fault) Luckily, I didn't miss much, the lecturer, Ms Tiffany was explaining the course structure and exam format when I arrived.

There were only six of us. (you were wrong ainie, takde pun orang yang 'BEST' kat situ). At first glance I thought we are about the same age, but later I found out that they much more older than me and i'm the second youngest in class. (Rasa la mcm muda sikit :D ). Most of them are HR managers n senior executives, a good start for me to add them in my networking list. Class was fun, the first few topics were a bit difficult as we were 'forced' to memorize the philosophical part of Human Resource.

The best part (or should I say worst?) is the FOODS! There were lots and lots of foods. They serve 3 types of kuihs for morning and noon tea breaks, and for lunch we have kari ayam, ikan masak sambal, sotong masak kunyit, bergedil, telur goreng, daging masak kicap and two types of vege dishes. (tak sure ape nama dia) Sounds normal la kan tapi memandangkan it's only 7 of us, and they were like preparing for 20 pax, just imagine how many kuih or lauk u can take. Sepanjang umur attend training, this is the first time participant tak ramai, tapi makanan banyak giler. Entah brp banyak aku makan pun aku tak tau.

All of us get along very well walaupun baru kenal. I'm a bit surprised because all of them seem to remember my name and where i'm from. Maybe i'm the only participant from non-manufacturing industry. I keep forgetting their names and mistaking their company with the other. Most probably my mind was occupied with something else during the introductory session.

Saturday session went on well. Everyone happily went home eventhough all of us are asked to be prepared for a quiz the next day. That nite try gak nak revise tapi apa yang aku baca tak masuk otak langsung, macam mana nak ingat, bukak buku tapi mata dok tengok Germany vs Sweden match. Nasib baik the next day aku org 1st yg sampai sempat le revise sikit. Class was fun and luckily soalan takdelah susah mana pun (ceh! Riak..hehe). It was worth sacrificing my precious weekend for the knowledge i gain from this class.

THE END OF MY FREEDOM

They approved my application. With a condition. I have to be bonded for two years. For a 6 months certificate course which costs less than 5K I have to sign a two years bond agreement?!

Usop kata:

We want to train you

We dont want you to go

We'll bear the cost for you to get your certificate but you have to be fair to the company.

Don't worry, 2 years is short. By the time you complete this course it's already 6 months, before you know it it's already 2 years.

This not the only course we'll send you, after this we'll send you for more advanced courses.

I don't know why, but for each & every words he told me my mind interpreted its meaning differently.

"We want to train you and we don’t want you to go"

We still want to use you, if you resign who are going to be our slave?

"Let's be fair to the company, we'll pay for the cost and you'll have to sign a bond agreement"
For an investment less than 5K, we'll be able to use her and squeeze every sweat out of her for two years! Muahaha!

"2 years is not that long, after you finish this program, we'll send you for other related courses"
If we send her for other courses, she'll have to sign another bond..and she'll continue to be our slave! If we don't, she can't do anything, even if we didn't give her any annual increment she can't do anything, she's ours for two years!!

Actually, I have no intention to leave yet. I haven't updated my resume (eventhough Nasir's offer seem appealing). I haven't seriously browsing the net or newspaper looking for any related posts available. Not at the moment. But knowing that i'll stuck in this company for another 2 years really make me uneasy. The fact is, I've lost faith in this company. I want the course but I don't want to be tied down this long.

After lots and lots of thinking, i've decided to give it a go. I'll still attend this program as the cert will be very valuable. They still haven't give me the agreement to sign (bagus! hopefully diaorang terlupa..hehe) and in case i've decided to leave this company before my agreement period ended, i'll pay back whatever they have paid to the institute.

SURVIVOR'S MRI STORY

First time buat benda alah ni. Takut, cuak, ngeri, seram sume ada. Ape taknye tangan kena ikat, badan kena ikat aka bedung dengan padding tebal, kena selimut dengan kain sampai ke leher. Dah tu ditinggalkan sorang-sorang.

Bila mesin tu mula bergerak, separuh badan dah masuk dalam terowong, kepala mula la terpikir bukan-bukan, kalau jadik ape2; kena karen ke, camne la aku nak lari.

Tak sangka aku kena buat MRI. Dulu selalu dengar cite bos pasal buat MRI ni, tak alih-alih aku pun sama. Lepas X-ray result ari tu tak memuaskan ati aku and doktor, dia rekeman aku undergo MRI ni plak sebab dia suspek 'Slip Disc'. MRI ni shortform untuk Magnetic Resonance Imaging. Purpose buat benda alah ni untuk produce detailed and clear images of soft tissues in patient's body. So dengan senanglah Encik Doktor tadi nak diagnose ape sebenarnya masalah pesakit.

Lepas projek makeover bilik, aku selalu sakit badan especially bahagian belakang and pinggang. Memula ingatkan sakit badan biasa so aku buat bodoh je dengan harapan boleh baik sendiri. Bila takde perubahan baru la sibuk nak pi klinik, tu pun lepas kena paksa. Sebenarnye aku pun tak perasan yang aku patutnye kena rehatkan badan dulu tak terpikir langsung nak ikut advice doktor soh rest. Lagipun, kalau dah kat opis tu, nak rest amendenya. Lagi-lagi time macam sekarang ni. Kebetulan pulak memang we all tengah busy organize inter agencies tournament, siap nak participate lagi, itu yang gasak training tak ingat dunia dah tu siap mengangkat and mengangkut segala hadiah and barang2 untuk preparation event. Jadiknye, lepas tu memang padanla dengan muka aku, klimaksnya masa badan bengkak & takleh nak bend langsung, dah sakit giler masa tu baru nak risau.

Dah segala macam ubat yang klinik bagi aku makan, 2,3 kali gak aku ulang treatment kat klinik yang sama siap kena inject lagi tapi still macam tu gak. Bila kena refer kat sini, kena buat urine test la, blood test la, physio test la sume tu aku still relax jer. Tapi bila dah tukar baju spital, tengok nurse (actually diaorang ni bukannye nurse, tapi radiologist. Bukan sembarang orang boleh conduct benda ni) dok prepare benda2 yang nak diguna, ngeri la plak. Nasib baik ke'friendly'an dia dapat le mengurangkan kenervousan aku. Aku ingat lagi , masa aku dah baring kat atas tu n Cik Radiologist tengah dok ikat tangan aku, aku keep on tanye dia 'ada side effect ke tak buat benda ni", 'sakit ke tak nanti'...jawapan dia melegakan aku, dia kata tak sakit tapi badan aku akan rasa sakit sikit sebab test ni akan makan masa sejam and dia advise aku jangan bergerak-gerak sebab takut effect test result. Mak ai, bayangkan le sejam terbaring dalam confined space, dengan kena ikatnye, dah tu tak leh gerak-gerak. Aduss!

Lepas setel proses ikat mengikat, Cik Radiologist tadi pun keluar pi bilik sebelah. Sebelah bilik MRI ni ada satu bilik lagi dengan satu tingkap kaca yang besar. From this room la the radiologist controls the equipment yang diguna untuk scan badan patient and from this large glass view the patient inside the MRI machine. In fact, diaorang boleh communicate dengan patient through interkom. Tapi patient tak leh nak respond la cos dah kena ikat.

Bila pikir positif, bole la aku spend time ni untuk tido. Tak pun boleh gak aku berpikir n sort benda-benda dalam otak ni satu-satu. Tapi macam mana nak tido or nak pikir, sepanjang test tu ada la bunyi-bunyi pelik. Aku rasa mungkin bunyi mesin dia tengah scan badan aku la kot. Dalam pada tu, terpikir gak macamana agaknye nasib aku kalau tetiba mesin ni meletup ke, ada teknikal problem sampai jatuh timpa aku or terhimpit aku ke, mau arwah kat dalam ni.

Lepas 1/2 jam tetiba bunyi bising tadi stop. Aku dengar bunyi pintu and bunyi kasut Cik Radiologist, hati dah hepi gile ingatkan dah abis seksa aku. Macam tau & tak payah ditanye, Cik Radiologist tu bagitau sendiri "Belum abis lagi, nak scan bahagian atas pulak. Tapi kali ni ada tak selesa sikit lah". Memang giler bapak punye tak selesa. Apa taknye, kali ni aku kena 'bedung' dari bahagian perut sampai ke dagu. siksa betul nak tunggu lagi 1/2 jam.

Akhirnya masa yang aku tunggu pun tiba. Bunyi bising dah berenti, tapi tak dengar plak bunyi pintu or bunyi kasut Cik Radiologist mcm tadi. Penat aku tunggu, badan naik penat kena bedung ni. tetiba from interkom dia kata "Sekejap Survivor, rehatkan badan 10minit." Ahlamak....10minit lagi ke? Kalau ye pun nak soh aku rehatkan badan, bukak le dulu bedungan aku ni. Macam mana badan nak rehat dlm condition mcm ni. Lepas 10minit, aku dengar interkom lagi, ingat berita penderaan aku nak abis tapi ..."Sekejap Survivor, rehatkan badan 10minit". Aduss tensen betul...dah dua kali 10minit. Finally bila keluar, badan aku makin sakit, kepala plak macam kuar bintang but I'm glad it's over...

Part paling best bila time kat cashier counter, total expenses untuk segala test, ubat and consultation nearly RM2000. MRI test tu jek diaorang charge RM1200. Nasib baik company bayar, kalau duit sendiri mau menangis hantuk kepala depan cashier...

Yang paling buat aku terharu - mama and ayah. Seari suntuk kat hospital dari pagi sampai ke petang, lepas satu test ke satu test, sikit pun takde komplen kena tunggu lama. Selalunye kalau kena tunggu aku lama sikit je diaorang dah bising, tapi ari ni tak pulak. Suruh balik ke pi memana dulu sementara aku kat sini diaorang taknak pulak. Dahle the next day nak kena datang lagi untuk test result. Sayang jugak diaorang kat anak dia yang keras kepala ni. haha!

So kesimpulan dari result sumer2 test ni, aku kena rehat giler and dimakruhkan dari main bowling, mengangkat benda-benda berat e.g mengangkut air dari perigi atau pikul kayu api, buat aktiviti-aktiviti lasak macam wrestling, memburu atau pi berperang. Doktor kata mungkin memula muscle spasm, then bila belum baik betul aku dah melasakkan badan, tu yang jadi lagi teruk. Alhamdullilah.. lega sikit. Walaupun aku nampak relax tapi actuallynye aku risau gak. Mana la tau kalau betul slip disc. Buatnye paralysed seumur idup..ish! Nauzubillah! Mintak dijauhkan..

Hopefully by the time for follow up in August nanti, condition aku dah ok le. Kalau tak confirm kena masuk hospital and buat physiotherapy. Actually dari memula pegi ari tu Encik Doktor nak soh aku dok hospital, tapi memikirkan keadaan kat opis, tak tersampai ati la plak nak biarkan. Takut 'ter'lama bermastautin kat sana. Kesian pulak kat Pn. Shila, takkan aku nak lepas tangan. Anyway, korang doakan la eh....

MEETING OH MEETING!

Bosan giler nak kena masuk meeting yang satu ni..confirm berjam-jam. kalau kejap takpe, buang masa betul! Bos lak mengelat, patutnye dia yang kena masuk tapi disebabkan last meeting dia MC so tak pasal2 aku lak kena tarik masuk meeting tu. Ari ni bila aku inform dia yang dia kena attend balik, dia kata tengoklah dulu pastu dia sengih. Setan betul! Dah sah-sah banyak isu dalam meeting ni dia je yang boleh jawab. Seperti yang aku agak, memang dia taknak masuk punye. Dia sms aku masa lunch hour bagitau yang dia MC. Ada ka patut..cis!

AFTER THE LONG SILENCE

Aahh..finally i'm back after the long blogging break..

Got too many things to do but too litle time to do it all.
It seem that everybody else were also too busy or not in the mood to blog except Carn.(Bravo Carn!! :D)

After all the unspoken conflicts, that 'incident' had caused Boss to finally tendered his resignation. I guess he can't put up with the situation and pressure any longer.

So now temporarily I'm back to reporting to 1 boss until the new HR Manager come. Bak kata one of the managers "report kat sorang bos pun dah sakit kepala, kalau 2 bos PUTUS KEPALA"...ada betul gak walaupun for me it doesn't make much difference. I know Pn. Shila is trying to lessen my workload so she's giving certain tasks for him to handle. But as always la..in the end, it's going to be me who got to do it. Whether I have 1 or 2 bosses, keje aku aje yg bertambah. That's OK with me. But the thing I hate most is to attend the morning briefing with all the generals before we have his replacement. Aduss! Not again! Bosan sungguh! Hopefully Pn. Shila's presence in the meeting room is enough to let me escape the morning torture.

When he told me about his resignation, I was kind of expecting it. In fact I'm the first person to know and he asked me to keep it a secret until he submit his resignation letter. I was a bit 'disturbed' for a few days thinking whether i'll be able to learn and enhance my knowledge in HR if I stay in this company. My knowledge in this area is very limited (I was majoring in marketing management) but I hate marketing and my interest has always been HR. All these while bos has always been someone I refer to. I remember when I first joined this company, I thought this is the place where I could learn and develop my skill, increase my knowledge and widen my experience in HR. How excited I am to start my job as HR personnel knowing that my boss is a knowledgable and well experienced HR practitioner.

Even when people lost faith in him, he's still the person i refer to regarding any HR / IR issues. And when HR department indirectly turned into Legal Department, I'm still seeking his advice as a HR practitioner point of view. I have nothing against Pn. Shila, she is a good and more efficient superior. Sometimes working with bosses with two different background can cause headache especially when the same issues were view and handled differently. Even the same clause in the Act will be interpreted differently. No matter how many books you read, without hands on experience your career as HR personnel is nothing. This worries me a lot especially when boss started to take the backseat all the time after he sort of lost his 'power'.

These days lots of things worries me. I'm worried about my job, i'm worried about my department, i'm worried about my career, i'm worried about my future if I stay in this organization, i'm worried about everything. At one point I was tempted to just grab Nasir's offer. But then should I leave my team in times like this? My parents? That will be very selfish of me. But I don't want to go through this hell again. No doubt it's going to be tougher this time. Whatever he left behind, all the tasks, plans and projects which are supposed to be handled by him; they will chase me for it now. And all the blames for the tasks he didn't execute will be directed to me soon. Just hope that I have enough strength to go through all this again.....

DEAR AWAK

Satu masa dulu awak pernah buat keputusan demi menjaga dan menggembirakan hati orang lain walaupun awak terpaksa mengorbankan kebahagian awak demi melihat mereka bahagia. Awak kata awak tak sanggup menghancurkan harapan mereka...

Jika dulu keputusan yang awak buat itu adalah untuk mengembirakan hati mereka, kenapa sekarang kita perlu mulakan sesuatu yang pastinya akan menghancurkan kegembiraan itu?

Awak pernah kata cinta tak semestinya memiliki dan cinta sejati perlukan pengorbanan.

Jika dulu awak sanggup korbankan perasaan sendiri untuk kebahagian orang lain, apa perlunya sekarang kita lakukan sesuatu yang akan mensia-siakan pengorbanan itu?

Jika cinta sejati perlukan pengorbanan, teruslah berkorban.
Pengorbanan saya ialah memastikan awak terus menjadi anak yang mampu membahagiakan mereka. Mungkin ini caranya. Itu saja yang dapat saya lakukan.

Pertemuan semula kita tempohari membuatkan hati saya kacau. Perasaan itu masih wujud. Macamanapun saya cuba menahan dan sembunyikan rasa hati, saya pasti jikalau kita terus berhubungan saya akan kalah dengan perasaan sendiri dan episod itu akan kembali bermula.

Saya terima takdir kita. Maafkan saya, sehingga kita benar-benar mampu berdepan sebagai sahabat, selagi itu saya yakin kita wajar berjauhan. memang sukar melepaskan orang yang kita sayangi, tapi seperti kata awak, cinta tak semestinya memiliki jasad orang yang dicintai.

Kembalilah ke dunia awak, mereka lebih memerlukan. Buat saya cukupla sekadar mengetahui yang cinta saya masih lagi dihati awak.

SORRY, AYONG....

Ayong, 'Tak Bisakah' as requested..and sori it took me ages to get you this lyrics..

hatiku bimbang
namun tetap pikirkanmu
selalu, selalu dalam hatiku
ku melangkah
sejauh apapun itu
selalu, kau di dalam hatiku

ku berjalan
berjalan memutar waktu
berharap, temukan sisa hatimu
mengertilah
ku ingin engkau begitu
mengerti, kau di dalam hatiku

tak bisakah
kau menungguku
hingga nanti tetap menunggu
tak bisakah
kau menuntunku
menemani dalam hidupku

dara, kau menjadi hidupku
ke mana, kau tahu isi hatiku
tunggu, sejenak aku di situ
jalanku, jalan menemukanmu

AMARANTINE - ENYA

You know when you gave your love away
It opens your heart, everything is new
And you know time will always find a way
To let your heart believe it's true

You know love is everything you say
A whisper, a word, promises you give
You feel it in the heartbeat of the day
You know this is the way love is

Amarantine
Amarantine
Amarantine
Love is, love is, love

You know love may sometimes make you cry
So let the tears go they will flow away
For you know love will always let you fly
How far a heart can fly away

Amarantine
Amarantine
Amarantine
Love is, love is, love

You know when love's shining in your eyes
It may be the stars falling from above
And you know love is with you when you rise
For night and day belong to love


For all the lovers, for everybody who are in love and everyone else!

Happy Valentine's Day!!

WHAT REALLY MATTERS?

Song In My Head
Tak Bisakah - Peterpan

The current situation really make me puzzled. The longer I think about it, the more I feared the truth.

Is it me in my own internal dillemma that had caused this confusion? Or I just dont want to lose part of myself?

Why do I have this uneasy feelings when I realized that the usual place and space are no longer the same?

There's an important part of me which I'm trying to hold on to. Inside me, little voices questioning my motives. The same voices are trying to tell me something i don't want to know.

Somehow I began to notice.

For the first time in my life, I don't want to deal with this truth.

FOR YOU DEAR..

MEMORI BAHAGIA

Sayup ku terdengar suaramu
Memanggilku sedar dari lena
Mimpi yang terindah bersamamu
Umpama tiada ungkapan perpisahan
Mungkin harapan yang telah terbina
Seakan pudar warnanya saat sekian lamanya
Bila kau ucapkan air mata ini membasahi pipi

Mampukah ku alunkan semua tawamu
Menjadi melodi menemani diriku
Dapatkah kita memahami jalinan suci
Apakah ertinya kasih sayang ini
Berikanlah masa untuk difikirkan
Apa yang terbaik
Bagi meneruskan percintaan ini
Yang terpendam di jiwa

Dikaulah kejora yang menerangi hatiku
Kala sepi termenungku sendiri
Maafkanlah sekiranya
Kesilapan ku yang dulu
Menyentuh kalbumu

Kenangkanlah memori bahagia
Kau dan aku seiring berpimpin tangan
Mengukir senyuman saling merasa
Dan merindu bila bertemu
Berikanlah masa untuk difikirkan
Apa yang terbaik
Bagi meneruskan percintaan ini
Yang terpendam di jiwa

Dikaulah kejora yang menerangi hatiku
Kala sepi termenungku sendiri
Maafkanlah sekiranya
Kesilapan ku yang dulu
Menyentuh kalbumu

-Sahri-


Dear,

I've fallen in love with this song the moment I heard and understand the lyrics. Thanks. It brought me back to those times.....

Anyway, people say "We forgive to the extent that we love. The best thing is not to hate anyone, only to love. That is the only way out of it. Then you have no reason to hate them, you just forgive. As soon as you have forgiven those who hurt you, you have gotten rid of the anger and hatred"

I'm at peace knowing that I've no longer bear any grudges against you. I've accepted destiny and the fact that we are not fated for each other. But once in a while, i know i'll slip into that mood again. I'll think of our moments together and missing it. I used to shut myself out from the world when i'm in that mood, but now i only will smile and be grateful for those days of bliss.

To let go of someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving, it only means that you allow that person to find his own happiness without expecting him to come back. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but it is also setting yourself free from all bitterness, hatred, and anger that you keep in your heart.

Thanks for still believing and I really appreciate that. Let's be grateful that as we walk through this life, we knew that we will still care and pray for each other's happiness. I'm contented just to know that we can still be good friends.

In return, that song by Felix is for you..

ME - THE OFFICE GUARDIAN

SONG THAT SUITED MY CURRENT MOOD:
I'm Not OK by My Chemical Romance

Still in the office at this hour alone. Even the Office Queen (Jen aka Miss Universe aka Miss Sexy aka Miss J-Lim) left the office earlier than me.

Need to finish 2005 progress report for the Board of Directors and the deadline is tomorrow! My boss was supposed to be the one who cracked his brain doing this - Not Me! I should be at home lepaking by the fish pond (my favorite spot to layan blues) enjoying the music on my CD player.

This week has been really tiring. Attending interviews, discussions, meetings, phonecalls, coordinating this and that, running to Cargo Building to ensure everything needed for the 5 days training and the external trainer were in place. Now that the company is hiring more people, I need to prescreen and select the applicant resumes to be shorlisted by the requesting departments. When your desk is flooded with tons of resumes everyday (not only from job applicants but also from tertiary institution students applying for industrial placement) going through another hundreds of online resumes is just enough to make you want to vomit.

Working in HR where most of the things are confidential especially when it involved employee salary, benefits, staffs performance, disciplinary record, benefit proposals, employment contract, etc i can't simply delegate my tasks to my subordinates. Because of this, for most of the things, I need to handle it from A to Z. I find it hard for myself to trust people, even staffs from my own department for fear that the info will leak before it was supposed to be known or when it should not be known by others at all. Of course there are things that I get the rest to assist me, other HR areas and function which focussed on our department services to the employees.

So, here I am..still working because the only time I can work peacefully is after the normal office hours. I think I better stop writing and continue doing my report. If not I might be fired by our fiery Mr. Trump!

WHAT'S MY INNER BLOOD TYPE

Your Inner Blood Type is Type B

You follow your own rules in life, even if you change the rules every day. Sure, you tend to be off the wall and unpredictable, but that's what makes you lovable. And even though you're a wild child, you have the tools to be a great success. You are able to concentrate intently - and make the impossible possible. You are most compatible with: B and AB Famous Type B's: Leonardo Di Caprio

Cuba korang test kat

www.blogthings.com/whatsyourinnerbloodtypequiz/

Happy trying!

ME vs THEM

Ya Allah! Ape la nak jadik dengan budak-budak pempuan sekarang..Tak segan silu smoking macam lelaki. Tak malu ke orang tengok..

Itu la..kalau bukan Melayu, bukan Islam takpe jugak..ini anak-anak Melayu. Rosak anak-anak Melayu sekarang. Suka sangat ikut benda-benda yang tak elok..

Apela perasaan diaorang ni..bangga agaknye dapat tunjuk kat orang yang pempuan pun terer smoking. Dah moden sangat kononnye..

Intro perbualan between my mum and dad dlm keta after nampak sorang budak pempuan dengan selambanye smoking kat restoran.

Agaknye ni jenis pempuan yang....

Aku yang mulanye syok layan blues dengar cd, tak dapat control diri dari menjoin bila perbualan diaorang yang pada aku dah jadi macam bias sangat pada orang-orang pempuan yang smoking nih..

Ala, relaxla ma, ayah..biasa la tu zaman sekarang ni setakat pempuan smoking tu kan perkara biasa. Kalau diaorang smoking pun bukan bermakna yang diaorang tu jahat, entah-entah diaorang tu sebenarnye lagi baik dari kita-kita ni yang tak smoking.

Ah, awak tu memang.. Free Thinker. Yang tak boleh pun awak bolehkan..

Errkk..aku free thinker? gulp..Pulak..

Bukan, gitu...kita takleh prejudis kat orang. Kita kena open minded, tak baik kita label sorang pempuan tu jahat semata-mata sebab dia smoking.

Awak tau tak smoking tu makruh?

Tau la makruh, tapi kenapa bila ramai lelaki melayu Islam yang smoking takde pulak orang nak kata dia lelaki tak baik?

Itu lelaki takpe..ini perempuan. Mana peginya tatasusila perempuan? Perempuan sepatutnya mencerminkan peribadi sebagai pempuan.

Aduss...bab tatasusila, bab peribadi keperempuanan ni yang aku lemah..aku dah boleh rasa dah, yang conversation ni akan lead ke arah lain...Alamak bab ni baik aku tak comment lebih-lebih nanti jadi isu lain pulak.

Actually aku pun bukan smoker. Aku alergik dengan asap and bau rokok. I just cant stand it. Confirm akan pening tahap cipan kalau dok dekat dengan orang smoking. Tapi entahle kenapa aku carik bala dengan gatal mulut nak interupt conversation diaorang pun aku tak tau. Maybe aku try nak diaorang tengok dari sudut pandangan lain, taknak they sound too prejudice, terlalu menilai orang based on the surface. Tapi, seperti biasa..i can't changed their mind, aku pulak yang kena balik...

SO isu dia kat sini, sebab dia PEMPUAN, kan?
Tak adil la kita nak kata dia tu jahat, dia tu tak bermoral semata-mata dia smoking. Masyarakat melabel perempuan smoking tu sebagai perempuan tak baik, kita jangan jadik sebahagian masyarakat yang berpikiran macam tu. Okla, maybe betul la orang ni sosial, tapi tak bermakna as a person dia ni bukan orang baik. Sometimes, luaran orang ni nampak macam tu tapi entah-entah hati dia lebih ikhlas dari orang lain. Kita terima seseorang tu sebagai satu individu, kenal hati dia baru boleh nak judge dia tu baik ke jahat.

Awak tu memang pandai cakap. Tak pernah nak terima pendapat orang.

Aiks, aku lagi..sape yang takleh terima pendapat sape nih?

Jangan salah sangka, bukan taknak terima pendapat atau nak bolehkan yang tak boleh. Dalam kes ni, biarlah kita adil menilai seseorang. Mungkin sebagai manusia banyak lagi ciri positif yang dia ada, takkan kerana dia smoking semua kebaikan dia kita ignore and terus cop dia sebagai jahat?

Budak-budak sekarang macam nilah, bila ada pelajaran sikit, terus rasa diri pandai, pandangan orang-orang tua semua tak boleh pakai, semua salah. Awak kena ingat ayah dengan mama ni lagi dulu makan garam, lagi tau menilai manusia & hidup. Jangan ingat awak berpelajaran tinggi, pendangan orang tua semua kolot.

Tak, orang tak cakap pun mama dengan ayah kolot, pandangan tak boleh pakai semua tu tapi tak best la kalau kita terus bagi negative perception kat orang semata-mata orang tu tak macam kita. Sebab tu la dalam dunia ni ada discrimination, wujud racist sebab kita tunjukkan benci kita pada benda atau orang yang berbeza dengan kita. Semata-mata orang tu ada different value, different lifestyle dari kita tak bermakna dia tu tak baik sebagai seorang manusia.

Ni la dia terlalu diinfluence dengan idea-idea barat, jadik terlalu open sampai yang tak boleh pun dibolehkan...

Tak la ayah, mama, orang bukan nak membolehkan yang tak boleh, at least kalau dia ni salah sekalipun, kita kena guide dia bukannye kutuk or pandang semacam kat dia. Macammana orang ni nak berubah? Tu la sebabnye ex-convict and ex-addict balik semula ke jalan salah sebab diaorang tak diterima masyarakat walaupun diaorang tu pada awalnye memang nak turn over new leaf. Kurang support dari masyarakat yang cuma tahu point silap orang je.

Yang awak ni pun satu, nak mempertahankan sangat budak tu kenapa? Kerana dia, sampai nak bertegang leher pulak dengan mak bapak..

Aiseh...kan..aku dah kata..mesti aku gak yang kena...

Okla, orang salah, mama n ayah betul. Memang..budak tu memang tak patut, dahle pempuan, pi smoking in public pulak. Tak tau malu langsung. Menjatuhkan imej perempuan-perempuan Malaya je. Kita tak boleh biarkan sume ni mama, ayah..kita kena buat Roadshow "No Smoking Campaign for Women" dengan motto "Wanita Mithali Benci Rokok" hehehe... Ape lagi kita tunggu, jom la kita jumpa Menteri Belia & Sukan..

Cuba awak tengok perangai anak awak ni bang. Bukan nak dengar, semua nak bangkang lepas tu bila orang cakap betul-betul buat main pulak..

Biarkanlah dia..dia kan dah besar..dah pandai, mana nak terima cakap mak bapak dah...

Aku gelak jeklah. Ape nak buat, cakap serious sangat kena blame, lebih baik buat ala-ala main-main. It's always like that between me and my parents. Masing-masing dengan pendirian masing masing. Aku kadang-kadang nak diaorang open sikit bila tengok satu-satu isu tu, tapi at the same time aku rasa diaorang pun tak suka cara aku berpikir gak kot, yang pada diaorang terlalu liberal. Biasala, generation gap.

Actually, I should have known better that in any case, in any situation, my parents are always right. Don't ever try to voice out my opinion especially if mine is different from them. Boleh jadik kontroversi woo..Sebab tu la aku malas nak argue lebih-lebih sebab conversation ni normally akan berakhir dengan syarahan khas untuk aku. Topik ape..ermm macam-macam dari bab pakai tudung sampai la ke bab kawen. Lama plak tu, boleh cair telinga. Aduss! Sendiri carik bala...hahaha!