These days I don't feel like myself. These days I feel BLOST. (blur and lost)
Kenapa entah..sometimes there are so many things going through my head at once macam kena attack dengan anak panah until i didn't know which one I should focus on first. Life, family, work, future, health, friends, and not to mention household matter. There were also times when my mind went totally blank and i feel like floating. It feels like sleeping with my eyes open and it usually happened while i'm driving or walking.
Yesterday, on my way to car park after visiting Auntie Tee kat hospital, i nearly got knocked down by a car. Terpikir gak how convenient kalau kena langgar kat hospital. Semua facilities dah ada, ambulan, strecther, paramedic, nurses, doctors. Confirm tak meninggal punye. Hehe..The day before nearly banged my car into another car. Not to mention how many times I drove in opposite direction because I didn't notice the one way sign. Opps salah perkataan, bukan tak notice. I knew it's a one way road tapi disebabkan blost; i only realize i'm in the wrong side of the road bila kena hon or kena 'sound lampu' dengan keta lain. Yang tersesat, tersalah masuk jalan tu jangan citer la, kalau tempat tak pernah pegi tu satu hal, tapi ni ke tempat aku memang familiar.
Turning on the CD player to full blast and listening to Eminem shouting is not helping at all. My mind was busy in another world. Apsal ek? Not enough rest? Yes. Not enough sleep? Maybe. Stress? Ermm, possibly. Lonely? Never. I don't think this is the side effect of staying alone. In fact i love being alone, enjoying my precious time all to myself. I can't deny that i'm draining. I feel so tired, tired of thinking too much. Maybe it was also caused by my health. I was supposed to go for follow up treatment but I didn't. Too many things to do which I feel is more important than seeing the doctor. For this moment, i can only justified my behavior as pre-new year syndrome. Next year I'm going to be a year older. You have more responsibilities as you get older and more responsibilities mean more things to think of. Agaknye hard disk otak dah penuh kot, sebab tu asyik hang je. Nak kena upgrade la tu. Whatever it is, i hope my blost situation is only temporary.
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