THE ANSWER

I've spent my quiet times analysing, reasoning, evaluating, and searching for the answer and obviously the answer was there all these while. It's me who stubbornly trying to change the impossible and refuse to admit that i'm only chasing the wind.


I've been blinded by my foolishness but luckily the reality of the situation opened my eyes. It just not worth my time to agonize myself over something fake. I'm determine to forget everything but i'm not sure I can forgive.

I'm just sorry that I have to detach myself from others as well. They should not be affected by what had happened but I have no choice, this is the only way to do it.

I'm not going to keep dwelling on the past cos there are more to life to look forward to. What's done is done, at least i've given my very best all these while and once it's over, it's over.



No regrets, no turning back. I will just move forward.

WHAT MY HOROSCOPE SAYS TODAY

Quickie
Roll the dice and see what happens. You might just like what comes up.
saspen..saspen..


Overview
A waffle is delicious when it's on a plate, but just plain annoying when it's what you're doing over a decision. Find a way to come to a decision and stick with it. There -- isn't that much better?


Romance
You're going to get a whole string of love letters from your sweet pea today. How many love letters are there anyway? The whole alphabet, my friend: 26!
Hahaha..rasa macam nak muntah! Satu love letter pun kalau boleh dapat ari ni dah kira cukup baik..i'll run naked around jb if i can get 26 love letters today!! Muahaha!! ;P

TIADA TANGIS LAGI

Entah apa ada untuk esok
Kiranya yang tinggal kini
hanya cebis-cebis kenangan
Bekas indah mimpi semalam
buat sandaran jiwa tatkala lara
Penawar rindu tatkala sunyi

Sejak detik itu
Dunia suram hilang seri
Hati sayu bersulam pilu
Duka di hati enggan pergi
Hati kecil masih bertanya
Mengapa begini cerita kita


Jenuh telah segala dicuba
Tak mampu menolak ketentuanNya
Apa lagi patut ditunggu
Jika yang berusaha hanya aku?
Sedangkan kamu hanya pasrah
Tanpa melawan terus menyerah
Pergilah..
Walau hakikat sukma tak merelakan
Namun harga diri bukan mainan



Entah bila kan datang mentari
Penyuluh kesuma kelam mati
Bisakah ada lagi ruang
Galang ganti cinta yang hilang
Mungkinkah bertemu, mungkin kekal sendiri,
adakah kan bahagia, adakah selamanya memendam rasa
Hanya tuhan yang maha mengetahui



Andai ini putusan takdir
kita tercipta bukan untuk memiliki
Hanya tersurat sedetik cuma
Berpayung dibawah rimbunan cinta
Tekadku tabah teguhkan hati
Sesungguhnya
Kembara hidup belum berakhir
kuteruskan walau sendiri
Kan kugagah senyum menghias wajah
Tawa ceria pelindung gundah


Satu yang kupinta
Sedang jalan hidupmu telah kau pilih
Relakan aku keluar selamanya
dari duniamu
Janganlah berpaling lagi,
Lupakan hasrat untuk kembali,
Usah lagi aku dicari
Bukan niat memutus ikatan
Sekadar menghormati jalan pilihan
Tak mungkin aku mampu bertahan
Tak mungkin aku mampu berdepan
Berakhir sudah sebuah sandiwara
Tiada lagi helah penutup dusta


Moga kau dapat mengerti
Lupakanlah semua
Kerna telah kulepaskan segalanya


Tiada tangis lagi...

AFTER THAT DAY

After that day, I managed to ignore everything. I'll fight every single thing that will remind me of you. But you are still never far from my thoughts. It really funny cos this is not what i planned in the beginning but look at me now. I'm feeling the pain of losing you. It feels so impossible for me to simply push you away from my life.


Whenever I think of you, I will listen to this song - 'One Last Cry'. It is a sad song but somehow it gives me strength to go through my days without you. One last cry - I know I should have done that long ago.

Anyway, life moves on with or without you. I have the options to be happy or frown all my life and I choose to live my life to the fullest even when you can't be with me. It doesn't matter whether my smile is a fake or if my happiness is not real, i'll put on my widest grin and biggest laugh just to enjoy whatever i have at the moment. If I can't make myself happy, at least i can make those around me happy.

For someone who always there for me, thank you. Your presence somehow make me smile and forget the pain exists :)

For all my friends; you guys are really great! Thanks!

FEELINGS

The anger is still inside me. Angry for being a fool and letting myself to be fooled. Anger and fear are two major feelings I have now. I live my life with fear of facing the days ahead. I don't want to be reminded of it. I juz hope it will pass without me even realizing it. Maybe i need some time to let this anger subside, when the moment comes i believe the fear will vanish together the my anger. For this moment I pray I have enough strength to let those troubling thoughts aside and enough courage to go through each day.

Feelings, nothing more than feelings,
Trying to forget my feelings of love.
Teardrops rolling down on my face,
Trying to forget my feelings of love.
Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it.
I wish I've never met you
You'll never come again.


Feelings, wo-o-o feelings,
Wo-o-o, feel you again in my arms.


Feelings, feelings
Like I've never lost you
And feelings like I've never
Have you again in my heart.


Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it.
I wish I've never met you
You'll never come again.


Feelings, feelings like I've
Never lost you
And feelings like
I've never have you
Again in my heart.


Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it.
I wish I've never met you
You'll never come again.
Feelings, wo-o-o feelings,
Wo-o-o, feel you again in my arms.
Feelings...

THE BLAMERS AROUND US

There are people who enjoys blaming others for their own troubles.

I'm sure everybody got personal experience with people like that -- people who hold everybody else in the organization at fault -- but never themselves.

If the project's late, "it's Jim's fault" -- even though Jim was always on time and on top of things.

If the shipment didn't get out -- well, "It's the receptionist's fault. Heavens, I got it there by 3:59, and FedEx picks up until 4."

It's a problem that's common to three-year-olds -- children will even invent imaginary people just to take the blame for them -- but just as the parents can figure out the truth when a three-year-old doesn't take the blame, so can everybody else in the office.

Yes, it's true -- the blamers and slackers are never putting it over on anyone but themselves.In an organization, blamers can tear the organization apart. They spread unhealthy environment and even infecting other employees' morale with their attitude.

These people who refuse to take the responsibility for what they do often let it go to an extreme.

I remember a childhood acquaintance that, after breaking wind, always recited the ditty "First fault's finder smells his own hinder." It was her way of refusing to take the blame for her odor, and as the years went on, she was always expecting other people to take responsibility for her actions in other ways as well.

Another person I knew built up an entire fantasy life story for herself. She didn't like the way reality had gone, so she built up a synthetic reality to take its place. Did she ever take responsibility for her own actions? Not a chance -- she always blamed other people, life, or "bad luck."

Take a chance to evaluate your conduct in this area. Are you forever making excuses? Do you work to actively place the blame where it doesn't belong? Do you shove your own mistakes off on someone else? Do you lie to cover up your own inadequacies? Do you choose to let other people suffer so you don't have to?

If you fall into the bad side of this equation, now is the time to fix your troubles. You've likely burned a lot of bridges in the past, but it's not too late to turn from your path of self-destruction and start to take the responsibility for yourself.

If you're a "blamer," then put it behind you. You're not only harming yourself but those around you as well.

GOODBYE WANG NIT!

Aku kehilangan lagi.


Kali ni Wang Nit pulak. Aku ingatkan dia demam biasa tapi tak sangka serius. Tak sempat nak bawak dia pi klinik. Mama kata petang tadi dia takde kat tempat biasa. Puas cari tapi tak jumpa sedangkan sebelum tu dia dah memang tak larat nak bangun. Balik keje tadi aku cuba cari dia lagi, mama yang jumpa dia kat luar. Aku ingat dia tidur tapi rupanya dia tidur untuk selama-lamanya. Betul la kata orang, kucing yang tahu dia nak mati akan keluar dari kawasan rumah sebab tak nak tuan dia sedih.


Part yang paling sedih bila ayah tanam dia. Tapi sesedih2 aku pun, aku rasa mama & ayah lagi sedih sebab diaorang yang selalu spend time dengan Nit. Aku memang doa sesangat mama tak nangis, takut efek sayu kat aku nanti. Dahle ati aku memang tengah sedih pun..


Aku kehilangan lagi..

Sapa lagi nak dengar aku mengarut, main kejar-kejar dengan aku, teman aku layan blues kat kolam, lepak-lepak tengok tv, teman aku basuh memalam..i'm gonna miss you Nit! May you rest in peace...

CAN'T CRY HARD ENUFF

I'm gonna live my life
like every day is the last
without a simple goodbye
it all goes by so fast


and now that you're gone
I can't cry heard enough
I can't cry hard enough
for you to hear me now


gonna open my eyes
and see for the first time
I've let go of you like
a child letting go of his kite


There it goes up in the sky
there it goes beyond the clouds
for no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough

for you to hear me now


gonna look back in vain
and see you standing there
when all that remains
is just an empty chair


and now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough,
I can't cry hard enough
for you to hear me now


There it goes,
up in the sky
there it goes beyond the clouds
for no reason why
I can't cry hard enough,
no I can't cry hard enough
for you to hear me now

THE EXTREME WEEKEND..(CEWAH!)

Last weekend bole kata minggu yang best gak la. Start dgn petang jumaat ada inter department bowling tournament untuk staff company aku. Department aku menang ladies category. Okey la, puas ati sebab seronok. Adik lak balik bawak Riz, yes la..lagi meriah weekend ni. Makin cute dia, geram seh!..



Ari ahad aini paksa aku gi wall climbing. lenguh tangan n lutut disebabkan bowling pun tak ilang lagi, dah kena jadik spiderman pulak. Tak padan kecik budak ni. Anyway, first experience buat wall climbing ni best gak. Sayang aku tak bawak camera, kalau tak sure korang boleh tengok gaya ala-ala spiderwoman aini. Aku? Aku lak style orang minyak nak panjat umah orang + tarzan kot? Hehe..




Malam tu aini paksa aku lagi. Kali ni makan sushi pulak. So makan le we all kat sushi king. Not bad, kenyang gak walaupun 4 ketul sushi jek aku telan. Kenyang2 pun, lepas ronda PC Fair kt CS we all singgah kat kedai mamak before antar aini balik untuk supper. Ish! camnela nak kurus badan aku...


Anyway, I really had a great weekend. Kalau kena pi panjat lagi pun sure tak serik punye..this time, kalau jen ada mesti best, bole aku geng dengan aini gelakkan jen n "uhuk uhuk" nye..