AFTER THE LONG SILENCE

Aahh..finally i'm back after the long blogging break..

Got too many things to do but too litle time to do it all.
It seem that everybody else were also too busy or not in the mood to blog except Carn.(Bravo Carn!! :D)

After all the unspoken conflicts, that 'incident' had caused Boss to finally tendered his resignation. I guess he can't put up with the situation and pressure any longer.

So now temporarily I'm back to reporting to 1 boss until the new HR Manager come. Bak kata one of the managers "report kat sorang bos pun dah sakit kepala, kalau 2 bos PUTUS KEPALA"...ada betul gak walaupun for me it doesn't make much difference. I know Pn. Shila is trying to lessen my workload so she's giving certain tasks for him to handle. But as always la..in the end, it's going to be me who got to do it. Whether I have 1 or 2 bosses, keje aku aje yg bertambah. That's OK with me. But the thing I hate most is to attend the morning briefing with all the generals before we have his replacement. Aduss! Not again! Bosan sungguh! Hopefully Pn. Shila's presence in the meeting room is enough to let me escape the morning torture.

When he told me about his resignation, I was kind of expecting it. In fact I'm the first person to know and he asked me to keep it a secret until he submit his resignation letter. I was a bit 'disturbed' for a few days thinking whether i'll be able to learn and enhance my knowledge in HR if I stay in this company. My knowledge in this area is very limited (I was majoring in marketing management) but I hate marketing and my interest has always been HR. All these while bos has always been someone I refer to. I remember when I first joined this company, I thought this is the place where I could learn and develop my skill, increase my knowledge and widen my experience in HR. How excited I am to start my job as HR personnel knowing that my boss is a knowledgable and well experienced HR practitioner.

Even when people lost faith in him, he's still the person i refer to regarding any HR / IR issues. And when HR department indirectly turned into Legal Department, I'm still seeking his advice as a HR practitioner point of view. I have nothing against Pn. Shila, she is a good and more efficient superior. Sometimes working with bosses with two different background can cause headache especially when the same issues were view and handled differently. Even the same clause in the Act will be interpreted differently. No matter how many books you read, without hands on experience your career as HR personnel is nothing. This worries me a lot especially when boss started to take the backseat all the time after he sort of lost his 'power'.

These days lots of things worries me. I'm worried about my job, i'm worried about my department, i'm worried about my career, i'm worried about my future if I stay in this organization, i'm worried about everything. At one point I was tempted to just grab Nasir's offer. But then should I leave my team in times like this? My parents? That will be very selfish of me. But I don't want to go through this hell again. No doubt it's going to be tougher this time. Whatever he left behind, all the tasks, plans and projects which are supposed to be handled by him; they will chase me for it now. And all the blames for the tasks he didn't execute will be directed to me soon. Just hope that I have enough strength to go through all this again.....

DEAR AWAK

Satu masa dulu awak pernah buat keputusan demi menjaga dan menggembirakan hati orang lain walaupun awak terpaksa mengorbankan kebahagian awak demi melihat mereka bahagia. Awak kata awak tak sanggup menghancurkan harapan mereka...

Jika dulu keputusan yang awak buat itu adalah untuk mengembirakan hati mereka, kenapa sekarang kita perlu mulakan sesuatu yang pastinya akan menghancurkan kegembiraan itu?

Awak pernah kata cinta tak semestinya memiliki dan cinta sejati perlukan pengorbanan.

Jika dulu awak sanggup korbankan perasaan sendiri untuk kebahagian orang lain, apa perlunya sekarang kita lakukan sesuatu yang akan mensia-siakan pengorbanan itu?

Jika cinta sejati perlukan pengorbanan, teruslah berkorban.
Pengorbanan saya ialah memastikan awak terus menjadi anak yang mampu membahagiakan mereka. Mungkin ini caranya. Itu saja yang dapat saya lakukan.

Pertemuan semula kita tempohari membuatkan hati saya kacau. Perasaan itu masih wujud. Macamanapun saya cuba menahan dan sembunyikan rasa hati, saya pasti jikalau kita terus berhubungan saya akan kalah dengan perasaan sendiri dan episod itu akan kembali bermula.

Saya terima takdir kita. Maafkan saya, sehingga kita benar-benar mampu berdepan sebagai sahabat, selagi itu saya yakin kita wajar berjauhan. memang sukar melepaskan orang yang kita sayangi, tapi seperti kata awak, cinta tak semestinya memiliki jasad orang yang dicintai.

Kembalilah ke dunia awak, mereka lebih memerlukan. Buat saya cukupla sekadar mengetahui yang cinta saya masih lagi dihati awak.